when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Non-Jews are for practice
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
