My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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