Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
