The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
