dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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