I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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