I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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