Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she peed on how many people?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
