oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
