yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
