is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
