Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
