I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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