I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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