Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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