smell my finger.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
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I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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