im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
