she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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