she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
