last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize