a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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