the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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