Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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