Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
