Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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