You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
