just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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