Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
