Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
