I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
