not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
