The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You can't special order awesome
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
