i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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