There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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