Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
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This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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