Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
