Why is your signature on my underwear?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
