if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
