Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
