We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
