ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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