he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize