I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
