so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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