have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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