Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
