On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
look no pants
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
