the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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