he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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