just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
