did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
