i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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