I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
