I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
