Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
