he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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