If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
