There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
