I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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